So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams

'But you're fighting back, taking a tough line.' I took a biscuit, trying very hard not to notice,' he added, 'that the packet was already mysteriously open.' 'I stared furiously at the crossword,' said Arthur, 'couldn't do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. 'I must say I'm not sure what I would have done either. 'Well, you could.' Fenchurch thought about it. 'Well, it's not the sort of thing you're trained for, is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience, or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my biscuits.' I was compelled,' said Arthur, 'to ignore it.' 'Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. 'įenchurch looked at him in astonishment. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and. He didn't look,' said Arthur, 'as if he was about to do anything weird.' 'What you don't see,' said Arthur, 'because I haven't mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. Me sitting at the table, on my left, the newspaper, on my right, the cup of coffee, in the middle of the table, the packet of biscuits.' And don't ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can't remember. “Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. 'Listen, bud,' said Ford, 'if I had one Altairian dollar for every time I heard one bit of the Universe look at another bit of the Universe and say 'That's terrible' I wouldn't be sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.” 'They're completely wrong of course, completely and utterly wrong, but someone's got to say it.'

'Some people say that the lizards are the best thing that ever happenned to them,' he said.

'I said,' said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, 'have you got any gin?' 'Because if they didn't vote for a lizard,' said Ford, 'the wrong lizard might get in. 'But,' said Arthur, going for the big one again, 'why?' 'Oh yes,' said Ford with a shrug, 'of course.' 'You mean they actually vote for the lizards?' 'They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.' 'It honestly doesn't occur to them,' said Ford. 'So,' said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, 'why don't people get rid of the lizards?' 'Odd,' said Arthur, 'I thought you said it was a democracy.'

The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.' Nothing anything like so straightforward. 'No,' said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, 'nothing so simple. 'You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?'

“It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see.'

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams